Dear teen me,
I won´t ask you how you´re doing because I still remember very well. You´re sixteen now and ever so annoying as almost every teen is. You live with your father and his psychopathic girlfriend, who never loved her own children. You cry almost every night, hoping things will finally work out for you. That someday you will be happy. School sucks and you think you will always be alone because no one would love such an egoistic, annoying little brat like yourself. You don´t have a plan in life and your dreams for the future seem ridiculous and unlikely. You´re wearing cheap clothes and look just like you are: poor and miserable.
And there are so many things you don´t know yet. So many things you don´t want to accept. Like that our father loves you, but his women always a bit more. And that he´s very submissive to them, needing someone who tells him what to do. And of course our mother. I know you still worship her because you miss her so much, eagerly forgetting about what she has done to us. But you don´t know the half of it. That she dragged our older sister along, encouraging her to do drugs and lots of alcohol, gaining her a depression for half a life time. She´s still with the man she left us for, by the way. And she still dreams that someday he will make her a millionaire. And they still have accomplished nothing, moving from one city to the next, always building up a new little enterprise born to fail, piling up debts. Mom still doesn´t give up though, she still dreams of a future with lots of money in it even though now she lives in an old bureau building with no electricity and a water tap for showering. By her own choice. She wants to build this run-down rat´s hole into a castle like so many times before.
You still don´t know so many things about her. That her boyfriend dealt with drugs and that he will go to prison for that. You are still unwilling to accept, that she indeed left us because she simply didn´t care about us. Our sister always protected us from this truth, wanting to take all the damage for herself. It didn´t work out that well. Now she´s thirty and has two kids, and still no finished vocational training. But now she´s getting back on the line
Last year around exactly this time, just a few days before our birthday, Mom visited us. Our sister finally had the courage to talk with her about everything that happened. Mom didn´t take it very well. And after that, she came to my house and told me something. She shook her awfully dyed blonde hair in disgust (still mad about my sister blaming her) and said: "If I could ever live my life again, I would never have children". Since then I broke off the contact to her.
I dreamed about her tonight, most certainly causing to write this letter to you. In my dream I once and for all told her how I feel. It was such a strange dream
me and our sister and our father and her in our old flat celebrating Christmas 2012. I screamed at her, asking how she could possibly do all that to us. I burst into tears, but she didn´t answer. And when I woke up, I was not crying (like I always did), but felt kind of relieved.
So, dear old me
things didn´t exactly turn out peachy. But this is just the half of what awaits you.
I know you don´t think you´re worthy of the love of a partner, that you´re afraid nobody will ever love you. But you are wrong. Very soon you will get a wonderful boyfriend, who will be with you for seven years now, still continuing with love and comfort. It won´t always be easy with you and there will be a time, when you will consider breaking up with him. But we both know love rests on compromise and understanding and be sure, that you will have both of it. You´re very happy with him, so don´t give up just yet.
School will work out for you as well, even though not in the way you imagined it to be. You will set aside your aim to become a psychiatrist (and I´m very proud you do) and study sociology. And you will love it till the very end. It will cast a spell on you, causing you to spend even your free time working on its theories. And stop saying you´re too stupid to go to the university! You will not even master the horrible math exams, you will even pass your bachelor and begin your master of arts. Of course it won´t be easy oh hell not it will cost you many tears and sweat and persistence. You will have doubts so many times, fears of failure and no faith in yourself. It will be a hell of a stony path. But you will master it. I know you will.
By the way, do you remember this girl you met just some time ago on the Internet? Yeah, the one that read your horrible fanfiction to Itachi Uchiha and your OC Isora. Oh
don´t be shocked - you know it´s horrible. But nevertheless, she will become your best friend. Even though you won´t meet her in real life for two years and even though she is the complete opposite of you, you will always find comfort on her shoulder. Well, most of the time on the telephone because she lives far away from you. So don´t give up hope of friendship just because you were let down in the past. I assure you: it will be worth it.
So, as you can see your path will be not easy and there will be many times you just want to capitulate. But please
don´t give in to this wish. I know you still believe in astrology, so let me say it that way: we´re Scorpios and you know very well what that means. You´re persistent and strong. You are able to survive and thrive under the most deadly circumstances. You fight, when you´re threaded. And even if it doesn´t seem like you´re going to win, your poison will seep into your obstacle and eventually break way to a new tomorrow.
Don´t let me down. I know you can do it. Muster the strength to go on. And I assure you: you will not regret it.
Oh and one last thing: please don´t buy that yellow shirt with the black horizontal stripes
trust me: you are going to look ridiculous
You in seven years.